Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Big gulps, eh fellas?
Awkward. That's one of my most favourite awkward moments from Dumb and Dumber. And that moment, in particular, has been playing through my head for the last few days. Almost on a non-stop reel!
So this past weekend was a beautiful but busy one. I know that the days of me being able to shove the boys out the front door to play without me having to bundle up in 17 layers and dig up some of those old school hot pockets (do they even make those things anymore that were in foil packets and went in your mitts? I'm pretty sure they probably seriously burned some small children at some point and they have subsequently taken them off of the market now) are quickly coming to an end!
Needless to say we definitely took advantage of the sunshine and unseasonably warm daytime temps and had the boys on their bikes, shooting hoops, playing catch and just generally running around.
Even though we live on a court, both the Husband and I are absolutely insistent that one of us be out there with them whenever they are playing outside. And, even though we live on this little court of only 7 homes, it's been a really busy fall for all of us court-dwellers and we haven't really seen much of one another, nor have we really had that many nice weekends where we could all gather outside and catch up. This weekend, however, changed that.
At some point over the weekend, I spoke with almost everyone of the neighbours and each of them had something to say about my weight. They were all complimentary - we have honestly been blessed with awesome neighbours. I however, was weird and awkward.
I wish that I was that girl who had been blessed with having the ability to pick the perfect response from thin air in the moment, but clearly, that is not my forte. Ask me, I dare you! Ask me how I responded to the compliments! Well, silly! I said something like 'Well you know, it's not really that big of a deal. I'm just back in the normal range of the BMI.' Not something more normal and gracious like 'Thank you so much! I've been working steadily at it for a few months now.' Nope. Not me.
Or how about, 'Thank you so much! I'm feeling really good these days!'
Nope, not that either.
I think, however, I might have come to yet another, amateur psychological conclusion. By me accepting their compliments, it would open myself up to the conversation of 'So, how much have you lost?' And, if I went there, then I'd have to be ok to discuss live and in person with other people just how bad my weight had gotten.
Don't worry though, like as is typically the case in my life, a pre-destined poopstorm came my way and MADE me have to have an out.loud.conversation. Awkward. Indeed.
We were invited to the home of my Dad's 'friend' (that's what they call each other, but let's get real here. She's his Girlfriend and she's amazing.) I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving, so about a month and a half. The first thing out of her mouth was 'Oh my GAWD! Look at how much weight you've lost! You're so skinny!' First of all, I would not use the term skinny to describe me. Second, cue the awkwardness!
My Dad also commented about how skinny I was - I think it was something like, 'Honey, you're looking really skinny.' Compliment? Concerned comment? Not sure. Going with compliment though because it makes me feel better.
Just when I thought the awkwardness of the weight issue was over and done with though, it came back. And with a vengeance this time. It was as if the fates were stepping in to say 'Hey! You! Awkward girl! If you can type about this stuff and spew it all out into the digital world, then you can definitely do this face to face!'
So, the topic came up again and this time it was specific. The question came at me like a freight train barreling down the tracks. I knew it was coming, I could see it in the distance, but couldn't do a damn thing to stop it! The question, THE DREADED ONE. "Exactly how much have you lost?" got thrown out there, and I couldn't avoid it anymore.
So, I hiked up my big girl undies, took a deep breath and said 'Um, I think it's somewhere between 34-40 lbs?' You know, so it would seem like in the beginning I wasn't obsessively hopping on the scale every day and checking to make sure that the numbers were going down instead of up! Of course though, the train couldn't be a short one. Nope. Longest. train. ever.
'So, what are you doing? How are you losing all of this weight?' Yup, there it was. The caboose. The loooooooooooooong caboose.
You know what though? I realized something while formulating (yes, that's right, I actually stopped and thought before opening my pie hole for once!) my answer. It occurred to me, that every woman I know wants to lose at least a few pounds. I don't know ANYONE who is doing cartwheels over their current body image. And when I see someone who has done something that's clearly working, of course
every woman I know I want to know! I mean, isn't that what made me fall in love with Mama Laughlin in the first place? She was open and honest and real.
Is it possible that I could do that for someone else? I'd like to think that I could pay it forward. Share what I've done. The challenges I've faced and the struggles I've overcome to get to my almost 40 lb loss.
I've worked my butt off to get here. I should be shouting from the rooftops about how happy I am that I can fit back into my pre-kid clothing. This didn't happen by accident. I made the choices to get here and going forward, I'm going to make the choices that will continue to move me forward through the next part of this journey!
I'm a lucky girl. I've got people all around me who are supportive and love me and encourage me. I have no reason to be awkward. Time to work on some non-awkward responses to the questions that I have a feeling I may be hearing a lot more over the next little while!