I'm still standing...barely!

Well, I did it.  I took a big breath (well, then immediately let it out because I didn't want to add anything extra to the number I was about to see) and then gingerly stepped on the platform, one badly painted pink toenail'd foot after another (mental note, next week, a pedicure is definitely in order!)  Then I waited.  I waited long enough to hope that the number would be something totally different than what I thought it was going to be.  Just long enough for a miracle to happen, but not long enough that the number would disappear from the little display screen.  Then I looked down.
Yikes!  What I saw there was not a good revelation, but it was a necessary one!  For the last 3 years I've been hovering between 185 - 190.  For some reason, I haven't been able to break below the 180 mark.  In fact, the last time I was below 180 was 4 years ago, just before my youngest turned 1 when I was 162 - 7 lbs away from what I weighed when I got married.  This morning, I broke the 180 mark, but not in the direction I was hoping.  This morning, the scale told me that I weighed 193.1 lbs.
I feel like the addict whose just hit rock bottom.
Somehow, those numbers this morning hit it home for me that unless I really do something about this now, I'm going to be headed down the path that my mom was on and I can't go there.  My mom passed away almost 8 years ago from an aggressive cancer that she bravely fought for more than 2 years.  I can't help but feel that it was her unhealthy lifestyle and her choice to avoid things like physical activity and making healthy food choices that made her physically unprepared for the fight of her life.  I want to see my boys grow up and get married.  I don't want my kids to be left without their mom before they turn 30.  I want to know my grandkids. 
For that to happen, I have to start making real changes.  Not just talking about it and making false promises to myself, but actually acting on it.  Last week I made some good headway on that.  Getting back on the treadmill and starting to follow the schedule again was an important step in the right direction.  This morning, I am sitting down with my calendar to schedule all of our meals for the week (I know, I know, I said it was going to happen yesterday, but the scheduled run seemed a tiny bit more important!)  Before the end of this week, I am purchasing a 3 month gym pass for the gym that my friend goes to.  I'm going to make her be my gym buddy for the next 3 months, 3 times per week.  With my run schedule only going until the middle of August right now, this will be important to keep me moving!
Next Monday morning when I step on the scale, I'm hoping only that it be down and that the fat % is less.  I'll actually record all of the numbers next week and put those here too.  Gotta keep it real peeps!

Today's goals = meal plan and run 3 miles (outside if it's not too hot!)